Script – First draft


GETTING READY SCENE                                              

          CLOSE UP:                                                        

          Quick Montage (10-15 seconds approx)of character getting
          ready, quickly cut showing SIMON getting ready,                  

          MEDIUM CLOSE UP:                                                 

          ending with him looking into the mirror miserable and
          walking off.                                                     


          SIMON drives to work, visually we will use plenty of long
          exposured shots of the car journey as the name of the film
          appears on screen.                                               

          INTRODUCTION SCENE                                               

          SIMON arrives at work and takes the previous worker off his

          we have a montage where SIMON miserably servs several
          customers (looking into camera)                                  

          ELINA ENTERS THE STORE                                           

          Simon working on the tills looking hunched over/
          bored/depressed until ELINA walks into the store,Simon
          immediatly lights up as he sees elina for the first time, he
          stares at her in awe as she gives him a small smile as she
          walks over to the alcohol. There is a shot of him looking at
          his watch, and we can see that the time is 12.15. Simon then
          quickly sorts out his shirt and takes a packet of mints from
          the counter and steals one of the mints nervously. Elina
          arrives at the counter with some alcohol.                        

           evening planned eh?                            

          Elina just smiles as she reaches for her purse. Simon feels
          nervous. simon tries to keep talking but begins to stutter,
          in a rush he looks around and grabs a mint and offers it to
          ELINA to keep the conversation going.                            


          (nervously and fast-paced)
                    um.. would you like a mint? not
                    that i’m saying that your breath
          CONTINUED:                                              2.       

                              SIMON (cont’d)
                    smells or anything but you know,
                    mints taste nice and that and


          Takes the mint from his hands mid-sentence
                    Thank You.                                             

                    So, err...what’s your name?                            

          Points at name badge                                             


          Elina then walks off raises a flirty half-smile the camera
          focuses on SIMON then begins to pull away slowly to a wide
          shot of the store with him sitting at his till.                  


                    My name is Simon Cooper. I am 24
                    years old. I have nothing really
                    going for me, no motivation and no
                    real reason to get up in the
                    morning. Until today. Today, I
                    found a purpose. And her name is

          THE NEXT NIGHT                                                   

          SIMON prepares for another day at work scene shot similar to
          opening scene but this time he looks a lot happier to be
          leaving for work. (Upbeat music plays in background to
          emphisie the better mood)                                        

          SIMON sits at his till and looks at his watch. It is 10.05.
          There is a montage of him looking at his watch a couple of
          times and serving customers. He is happy with the customers
          he is serving. And in between customers he is doodling a
          sketch of Elina on the back of the receipt roll.                 

          ELINA enters the store. Simon has his head down on the till,
          having assumed she was not coming back. He is overwhelmed
          with delight, but contains himself and sits at his till
          smiling, clearly happy that she has returned. Once she has
          walked into the store, a man enters behind her, wrapping his
          arm drunkenly around her neck and gives her a kiss. Simon’s
          face drops and he sits back in his chair in dissapointment.      

          CONTINUED:                                              3.       

          Elina walks up to Simon with the boyfriend. The boyfriend is
          acting in a twatish way, and shouts at her in a foreign
          language, pointing to the booze and demanding she buys him
          some. Little mannerisms convey that he is an arse to his
          girlfriend. He starts making drunken patronising
          conversation with Simon.                                         

                         (In accent)You alright mate?
                         Must be shite working here
                         this time of night ey? Haha!                      

          The boyfriend shouts at people outside. They are his
          friends. He gives Elina a kiss and walks out shouting at his
          friends. Simon is looking heartbroken, but as a last chance
          he gives her the love heart, wrapped up in a receipt. She
          takes the love heart out of her hand, looks back at her
          boyfriend and eats the love heart, whilst smiling at Simon.      


          ELINA coming into the store sometimes with her boyfriend.
          Cuts between short scenes of her flirting with Simon,
          smiling and giggling. Other times she comes in with Marek
          and is upset.                                                    


          That’s where it all started. Sometimes she came in with him.
          (Shots of times of those two flirting) Sometimes with out.
          (Scenes of arguing and upset. How could she be interested in
          a no-body like me. I haven’t had a real girlfriend since
          Sally Jacobs in year 9. And i’m pretty sure she did it for a
          bet. For once I’ve got to take a risk.                           


          ELINA and MAREK enter the store. Simon has just finished
          sketching ELINA and looks up to see them arrive. They are
          arguing and shouting at eachother ELINA is holding a bag of
          shopping that she has bought for MAREK. He gets angry at
          ELINA for not buying any booze to go with it. When she
          refuses to buy him alcohol he nocks the bag out of her hand.     

          The food falls to the floor, and MAREK leaves the store
          shouting at her. We hear a car drive off and see ELINA on
          the floor picking up the food. SIMON rushes over and helps
          her pick it up. He goes up to the door and switches the sign
          over to closed.                                                  

          CONTINUED:                                              4.       

          He then begins console ELINA placing his hand on her left
          shoulder and leading her into the storeroom to sit down.         

                    Are you ok?                                            

          Elina sheds a tear.                                              

                    Wait here.                                             

          SIMON heads out of the store room he takes a large sheet out
          from the store room, he then goes to the fridges and picks
          up a load of food for a makeshift picnic (sandwiches, jammy
          dodgers, mini rolls, crisps, ribenas...etc) He also gets a
          load of tealight candles. He places it into a shopping
          basket and sets out a picnic for ELINA. ELINA looks at him
          with eyes wide open. There is a look of utter joy and
          surprise on her face. It is clear she’s never been treated
          this nice before.                                                

          ELINA sits down on the floor with simon and begins to eat.
          She is looking at him the hole time. SIMON is smiling and
          overwhelmed with joy. We can see that behind his back he has
          a small love heart that says "I love you" written on. He is
          playing with it behind his back, waiting for the right
          moment to give it to her.                                        

          As he moves his hand out from behind his back he begins to
          move forward to give ELINA the sweet. Before he can reach
          her, she gets a phone call. ELINA answers the phone, and
          sounds of appologetic speaking and crying can be heard.
          SIMON is left sitting on the blanket, looking up at her. She
          turns to him, beginning to cry. She walks over to SIMON and
          kisses him.                                                      

                    Thank you.                                             

          ELINA walks quickly out of the shop crying. The camera is
          positioned outside, and we see her opening the door and
          walking out in tears. There is then a shot of SIMON sitting
          on the floor by himself. He is unsure wether to be happy or
          sad, so sits and plays with the love heart.                      

          SIMON is sitting right at the end of the isle. And we get a
          long pull-back shot of him sitting right at the end, so we
          can see the full length of the isle. There should be candles
          dotted all along the isle, so that when the camera is slowly
          moving back it looks beautiful.

          FINAL SCENE- NEXT DAY                                            

          SIMON gets ready for his shift again with the quick montage.
          This time he looks in the mirror and has a blank expression.
          He sits at his till and waits.                                   

          SIMON sits at the till and begins to serve. There is a close
          up on his watch, and we can see time going past, sped up.
          ELINA then enters the store, with her boyfriend.                 


          SIMON sits at the till and begins to serve. There is another
          montage of him at the till, and then ELINA comes in.             

          SIMON looka up at her from the till, and begins to smile. He
          takes the love heart out of his pocket from yesterday, and
          waits until she approaches to give it to her. As she comes
          near the till her boyfriend enters the store loudly barking
          an order at her. SIMON’s face drops again. They come to the
          till with alcohol and MAREK makes her pay for it as he waits
          outside and has a cigarette with his friends. There is
          tension between SIMON and ELINA and he slowly gives her the
          love heart. She takes it and looks at it.                        

          ELINA begins to start to cry, and her bottom lip starts
          shuddering. She pulls herself together, and softly looks at
          SIMON. SIMON is looking into her eyes, desperate to hear
          what she has to say.                                             

                    I’m sorry.                                             

          ELINA walks to the door of the shop, and before opening it
          turns to the heart-broken SIMON.                                 

                       Good bye, Simon.                                    

          SIMON, trying to hold back tears.                                

                    Good bye, Elina.                                       

          ELINA leaves the shop and we can hear her walking of with
          MAREK and his friends. CLOSE UP on Simons face, seeing him
          crying and biting his lip to stop the tears. He sits down at
          his chair and screws up the receipt drawings of her and
          throws them in the bin. The camera then pans out and we see
          SIMON sitting alone at the till. Quietly weeping.

About Shaun Jacques

Coventry Media Production Graduate
This entry was posted in Pre - Production. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Script – First draft

  1. Steve says:

    Hi Guys:
    – Needs to be in correct format (i.e. courier 12pt, scene headers)
    – MUCH too wordy descriptions. Need to be tighter and only have the important information in.
    – dialogue is OK but some of it in the wrong place (Simon’s first V/O which needs to be before she walks into the shop) or not needed (“Goodbye Simon”, “Goodbye Elina”)
    – check spellings (aisle not isle)
    – is he really heartbroken at the end (remember the discussion of the enhanced equilibrium in the production meeting)

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